Formations of Love

Bringing consciousness into our roles to create a healthy relationship.

[A journal entry from May 27, 2019]

Venus

When we fall in love with somebody, we fall in love with a free them. We see who they are on their own, as themselves, and we want to join it; bask in their being. We want a part of that.

But if you’re successful in forming a relationship, there are suddenly all these expectations and restrictions we cast upon them, yet we expect the same person we fell in love with to survive.

One of the simplest, yet impactful practices is taking a moment to think about how you would feel if they were doing to you what you may do to them.

How would you feel if they tried to guide your career? If they told you to find a passion? If they were jealous of your best friend?

We somehow feel like our partner is our property so easily. We mistake union for dominion. The person they were when you noticed them, was a product of their liberty to do what they wanted, to explore themselves, pursue new experiences. We think, “Ok, cool. This person’s great on their own. Now, how can they serve me ?”

It’s so easy to idealize a person into the perfect partner. But someone can only be perfect for you when you are perfect for yourself; for your own being. If you wish they would work on themselves, work on yourself!

Once, a mother brought her son to a monk and asked the monk to tell her son to stop eating sugar.

“Come back in three days” said the monk. Three days later, the mother returned with her son and the monk told him,

“Stop eating sugar.”

“Why did we need to wait three days for you to tell my son that?”

“Because three days ago, I had not stopped eating sugar.”

When I focus on my self-love and well-being I am clear headed. We are able to appreciate the things in our partner we took for granted and have compassion for their situations rather than fear and frustration.

Additionally, our self-work inspires them to join. You inspire greatness around you by working on your own and you don’t even have to try. Other people aren’t under your control. The only person you can control is yourself. Via self-awareness, we affect our reality, not out of desperate attempts at power which translate into manipulation of someone you are supposed to love.

Love unconditionally.